A piece of my story of us... Team Ernst

When prompted to tell our journey I often know where to start... February 2015, when I woke from a medical coma in St. Joseph Hospital in Phoenix Arizona where my life was saved. I had been diagnosed with CML in 2009 and in November of 2014 I stopped responding to treatment, landing me in ICU Super Bowl weekend 2015. Up until then I had raised four children as a single mother whom often made poor choices in men. Luckily for me I was independent and not afraid to work hard(er). With family distant and a stubborn  demeaner I was surprised to wake up to my parents by my side, having never left. My mother and father made sure one or the other was next to me and I was never alone. From weeks of uncertainty they never gave up and they never lost hope, even when they were told it was hopeless. I was beyond blessed. Awake but blind from bloodshot eyes my father would read text messages to me from time to time. I had always kept my CML a private affair and never really made mention of it to people, not even my children. I was known to have health problems that made me sick, gave me bone pain and a swollen spleen, but having cancer was never mentioned. I was often tossed out of support groups for reminding others we were there for support not sympathy and if we were blessed with an invisible disease why did we have to tell everyone we knew? I learned right away that if I let people know I had CML then I would have to explain... explain what it is.... explain if I am or not okay and explain what is going on... I did not want to be the face of caner, I just wanted to be me. I had lived through rumors of drug usage and forced myself through days I wanted to stay in bed so it would be no surprise that when I was going into the hospital I chose to break it off with an on again, off again boyfriend rather than explain I was sick... really sick. Even more surprising, he actually stuck around; in fact he never left, according to the text messages. Not only was he there to help nurse me back to health but he made a commitment to be there forever and married me a year later. A year after we were married he adopted my daughters and we prepared for life as I was about to get a stem cell transplant. Much like a bone marrow transplant there was no certainty of the future and if I would be in it. Sticking to the short version of the story you guessed it, I made it! I had my transplant in February of 2017 and am proud to say I am cancer free! I cannot explain the determination one might have when their life has been on hold and (as I would put it) in survival mode living day to day. Walls are down and the sky is the limit as the sun is brighter and the colors of life more vivid. I want it all!!! I want to enjoy the simple things and rather than worry about "what if's" focus on the destinations I want to go. With my family, my best friend and life partner that found me at am imperfect time in my life, understanding I was not seeking perfection any more than I could offer it, but together we can concur the world.  Where do we start? A place to call home and enjoy family as we love life and cut the rest out. The Lord has always put us where we need to be and I think that if we stay patient and steady the Lord will continue to provide. I can type for days and still not be done. I cannot explain how a ticking time bomb on your life can really bring things to perspective and allow you to appreciate the things you may have been too entitled to notice before. I drive a 1997 Camry that looks like it came from the parking lot of a Buy Here Pay Here lot. Truth is it was left to me by my grandmother who wanted me to have it to make sure I always had a car. I love my car! I love my life! Meeting and talking to me one might think I am nothing shy of crazy and loud. I am proof that appearances can be deceiving and a book is not always a reflection of it's cover. All I can say is I have a lot of time to make up for and a lot of energy to give. I want to be there for those that need me and understand that I don't need to be there worrying over those that don't. What matters now is the life we have created and the family that has grown through it all. I have raised four children; one was a nephew whom at 15 years old went back to his mother and never spoke another word to me. Three of my own; a son and two daughters that I could never be more proud of and love more than I do. I look at them often and think I, we did this! Years of raw life and I actually raised them and they are in fact blessings and my life! I have so many dreams, dreams that begin and end with family; even our extended family. If you want to know more ask...

Thank You for Reading

 Sincerely, Cali